Hangover in the office

So, Trouble.

i think im getting the sickness of being in the office. I cant seem to finish cleaning up the mess,
Closings, premiums, claims, claims premiums and etc etc.. all paper work. But then again, i get to do marketing, going out is an consolation for me and im really thankful that Fukhai and Zetty which is my boss took me in, without them, i wouldnt be anywhere i am now.

BUT,

Im getting really tired these days, and i do not know where i can get the tiredness of my head. Im tired of everything that is on my path now. The future seems bright to me when i started out, then it went dim, now it looks really dark. And im starting to be afraid. Im afraid of myself, afraid of losing it and afraid that i cant achieve what im suppose to be achieving.

I strive for the best, i want to be the best. I always put effort in things i do, i do not try, i do it. But sometimes, there is so much constraints and roadblocks that puts of my chase, my pursuit, my goal, most importantly, my dream.

Sometimes i do not feel like an adult, i felt like a kid, a kid who doesnt get what he wishes, a kid who wishes for something but will never get it. But as a kid, u forget about it and move on. As an adult, you think about it, and it linger around your mind. U talk about it, but u never will get to forget it, due to the fact that you are a grown up and should learn from each failure that you wen through.

I am feeling so lost now. I do not know what i want in life anymore. I just have one motto. Die Rich or Die trying.

But now, im Half Dead. With no particular explanation or reason. And its sad.