Another Depressing Episode

what have i done wrong to get myself into the hospital, food poisoning or whatsoever?
blardy hell, i cant recall what really happen for the pass few days....

THe best part isnt settling down yet, for me now.. honestly is the worst policy, being nice is the last thing i wil ever do, being whatever shit will be the last shitty things u will ever hear from me... i suck to the max.... i aint good looking and neither i am rich, so im a horrible sucker who doesnt belong to this fucking world...

All the Small things

Good things comes in small packages, it never appears in big. One sees it and appreciates it and eventually it may turnout not big, but GREAT. Hell, I’m supposed to be working but here I am, writing all my stupid and nonsense thoughts.

Movies often portrays all the itsy bitsy things count, when a movie director wins an award, he often expressed his gratitude to his crew, starting from the actor, the support by the editors, actors, going on the list till his parents and whoever that contributes to the success of it. Really, I mean, what is he if he is without the filming crew? He will just be another DIRECTOR who wishes to direct but with no manpower or any support.

Even successful people, they contribute their success to the itsy bitsy things, EVERY SMALL THINGS count, the big things comes and go, but the small things, which people always overlooked, is the most precious and the most accounted. A company will never grow without the employees, the company is big, employees are just kacang putih, BUT! Without them, where is the company? The best example, a government, what is a government without the support of the rakyat? There is no government if there is no small rakyat-rakyat: P. But I still have to say I hate to say this because we are paying for the taxes and they are spending it on I don’t know what u don’t know what.

Relationship, all the small things count, who would ever think, a boy and a girl, having a long distance relationship, both living apart, and they can manage to care for each other? The girl is sick, and the boy gets worried, the boy is definitely helpless at this point, there is no way to send medicine over, BUT, the boy has friends, he asked for help and manage to get hold of one of them to get it to his DEAREST, some may think it’s a nonsense, but do u, or do we, know that he is really concern? If he were to stop caring that moment, there will never be love! And what is Love, love is not just about kissing and bla bla bla, its about sacrificing, doing what u think it’s the best to make that particular person feel comfortable, feel happy, and enjoy doing it. On this case, some may don’t like it, they may say the guy its too sensitive, but, when they see other people doing it, they get envy. It may seem like the smallest detail one should ever give a dam about, but hell, I think the girl would have appreciate that a lot and just a little info leak to those who are reading this, they are both still together to this very day. And its sad to say, now it’s the other way, apparently they took turns to go abroad and study. LoLx!

Some may not realize that the small things that one do is always the most precious, one can be really busy, and yet he try to make the best to have time for other people, one can be really workaholic, BUT! , Have u ever think, working very hard is not for the particular individual, it can be for 2, for a better life and a higher standard of living. Sadly, I have to say, I experienced it personally, and it can be quite hurtful to think about it. But nonetheless, one knows what is the best and often pushes to the limit to make the best out of it. It may not look good, but some will appreciate it in the future.

However, a little tribute to BLINK 182, with the song of all the small things, I’ve gotten this little idea from your song, I’m sorry I didn’t went through your lyrics, but I promise I will. It jus feel funny really, every time people talk about the bigger picture and forget about the smaller ones, But when people talk about the smaller and so called not so important things, it often makes one feel that it was one of the best things that one have ever did and hopes to see more of it.

SUICIDE NOTE

To transform and to grow up is never an easy stage, people say being a baby is the best, there is nothing to worry about, nothing to stress about, nothing to complain about, all they need to is just sleep, eat, Shit, (pardon me for my language) and being pampered like a king. However, does one ever wonder, is growing up at the early stage really easy? For example: baby learns how to walk by falling down numerous of times, baby starts with GOO GOO GA GA before they eventually blurted out PAPA and MAMA that will make the parents go amok or haywire and eventually the parents will start telling everyone how exciting was it. (Maybe I will someday, Maybe…) The worst part of all, baby have to be educated since young, doesn’t matter whether they like it or not, they have to LEARN from the HARD way. We might think the best way is the most beneficial way. However, some ways might have negative effect on the babies, as not all individual are the same.

Now the stage of a young kid, they need to learn manners, and education comes into play, often, their attitude will shape accordingly to the way that the parents brought them up. Is it easy? No, it’s never easy to both parties. Parents have to be soft and hard at the same time, being nice and taking action when there is mistakes or faults, subsequently, kids will learn what not to do and what to do, what is wrong and what is right, no matter how much they love to do something, the parents might obliged to it and they have to stop doing it. Hence, being a young boy is never easy, some may even do the unthinkable, SUICIDE, but of course, it is more likely they wont because they don’t have to worry about $$$$ and the true meaning of it.

Tall, short, Fat, thin, Plump, shapely, good looking, pretty, beautiful, ugly, face problem, Now, now, now, all this appearance thing starts to come into play when a young kids transform into teenagers. This stage is often percepts as the most rebellious stage of all. They often go do the extent to try and do the unthinkable. Issue arises, problems created, and counseling comes in once in a while. The media contribute to these factors once in a while, movies, and all sorts of imagination of one and they show it all on the screen and some teenagers follow it. Teenagers start to learn how to criticize, complimenting on each other, bitches, bastards all comes into play at this stage. Relationships, some are treasured some are not, some broke up some stayed on, some left some stayed. Some Mati Some didn’t.

Now, what the heck am I trying to say really? I’m jus trying to convey a short thought that cross my mind at this point. WHAT IS LIFE? Is LIFE easy? Can growing up be a stage where everyone enjoys? I hate to say this, but growing up to be successful in financial terms, life terms, it’s BLOOOODY HARD. I may have successfully obtained my degree, but I don’t like it, I may have some extra cash to spare for other stuffs, but I’m unsatisfied.

I missed the stage of teenager and college life dearly, I must say, not that I MISSED the way it was, I MISSED that I didn’t go through the kind of stage every one went through and there was no fruit bearing from it, I was too dam ugly and idiotic looking at that moment, I didn’t mature much until I hit the age of 20 and its pretty sucky to tell most of you. I was really fed up at one point, to think that I have to stay ugly forever, losing out most of the things, trying hard to be someone I am not, the feelings was really terrible. I have friends, but mostly am not closed, except for few, you know who you are. Thanks for being nice and it’s really a pleasure in life that I have met u guys. Don’t worry guys, this may sound like a SUICIDE NOTE, but hell I am not going try to kill myself, I “THINK” I still have a long way to go, Life is tough, but I’m NOT, maybe one day, u will find me, ASSASINED by my company, with the unlimited workloads.