Frustrated.

Today, I got really frustrated.

I started looking back, and realize, something where i didnt put effort, just worked out the way i didnt want it to be. Which is kind of lucky, but i didnt know how to appreciate it. Because i didnt want it that way.

Then i look at those where i made a stand, made an effort, It all didnt work out. It all work the other way out. And i got frustrated. Just stand there and whoever come close me can be ready for a fight if i were to be provoked even with a single poke.

I just couldnt understand why am i at this particular position now. I didnt want it. I didnt ask for it. I strive for a different position.  But i really couldnt understand why am i here. They say it takes a lot of patience for something to work out. But as a normal human being, im more of a "rush" person. I couldnt wait. I just wanted it to be done asap.

Then i  just decided to sit down. Let out a big Sigh..... SIGH............. life just have to go on. I just have to find a way. Im getting old. dammit.

10 days and counting....

I just got to write this down, this 10 days, was the worst 10 days i have to endure, go through....

10 days ago, i was a healthy young adult. With a little overweight, and eating here and there, im so happy :)
But i didnt see the tragedy that was gonna be fall on me.. how sad it was...

The 1st & 2nd day, i was down with fever, high fever..... i decided to be my own doctor, took up 16 panadols, 8 perday, which is the maximum dosage, to *surpress my fever*. i had to do something, and i took it, after taking it, i slept most of the 2 days away.. all my time, i was bedridden.....

3rd day came... i wasnt recovering, i started to get anxious, i knew what i was doing, but not getting well and recovering is not an option for me and i m starting to worry about my own health. So i drove out, stubbornly and unwillingly, to see a Doctor. High fever... 38 'c Nice!!! haha.... another 10 panadols in the medicine for me to take home, and a row of EES antibiotic, cough mixture and flu med..

Another day of medicine, and finally i sweat a little after putting on 5 shirts...5 ~~~~ .... its crazy!! i tried 2, 3, then 4, with long pants, all my effort was futile, when i had 5, i was practically wearing long pants and a pair of socks... and the craziest part, i wasnt even sweating, not even a drop!!!!

So the 4th day came, i had to go to a Life learning course which i promised to go 1 year ago. i went. and for the first time in my life, i wore 2 shirt out, because i was going into an aircond room, and also because im afraid that i might get sick again....  the 3 days course went over fast. i was recovering,  i started to sweat, feel better, and the fever was going away.....

the 7th day came, i was finally free of fever, but the flu started hitting me, i guess after so long of queueing, it decided that it was his turn... oh gosh....... but the worst, was the last in queue. Mr Cough.

For the 8th, 9thh, 10th and counting, he brought me green flam, monstrous flame, thick green one, and i cant seem to get rid of it. every morning, till night, without fail. N the worst is just starting, now everytime i eat, i start to feel that i need to puke, cause there is something in the throat.... oh no... Night mares.... i really wish that i can recover.. please please... let me recover...